My 60 mile Journey!

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to start a Journey of a Lifetime? Have you ever imagined that the possibility is just right under your feet?

                When you arrive, the air is crisp, cold, and calm. Looking out of the passenger side window I tell Kirt “I don’t want to do this, no one is going to like me, they won’t want to walk next to me, and they will think I am holding them back.”  Kirt just sat there and stared at me as tears poured down my face. “Please don’t make me get out of this car. I really don’t want to walk 60 miles. What if I can’t make it?” Kirt continued to creep forward very slowly as about 15 vehicles in front of me unloaded there weekend bags. I remember Kirt was really quiet. Then he said “Everything is going to be ok, you’re just scared and that’s alright.” He parked the car, my heart stopped, he opened his door, I stopped breathing, he grabbed my bags, holy crap, he opened my door, omg he is going to pull me out of this car, he looked at me, I looked at him and then my legs began to work. I stood up out of the car and I said “Promise to cheer me on?” He agreed, told me good luck and kissed me goodbye.

                A very kind lady carried my luggage to the moving truck that would meet us at camp later the first day. All I could think was “Holy crap, how am I supposed to pitch a tent!” I thanked her for her hard work and ventured toward the opening ceremony stage. I spotted a 3-Day gear tent and looked at some merchandise. Surprisingly, I didn’t make a purchase. I was too nervous to shop!

Then I saw this:

                My phone rang; it was one of my team members Rebecca! She told me where to meet her, and so began my search for a stranger. When I found Rebecca, she greeted me with open arms. Rebecca had done this walk once before and was very relaxed. It was so nice to already have a friend with me who was physically standing there helping me ease my worries.

                My phone rang again. It was my blister sister Nicole. I had “met” Nicole in January shortly after signing up to walk in Dallas. Nicole was a big help in my fundraising and in my staying sane. I could not wait to actually meet her in person. Nicole was behind the stage. She had the honor of carrying the mother flag for the opening ceremony. Nicole’s mom lost her battle with breast cancer and ever since Nicole has made Breast Cancer Awareness her platform and Research her mission. Nicole and I gave each other huge hugs, tears of joy began to flow, and then I headed back toward Rebecca because Lord knows I didn’t want to get lost!

This is Nicole:

                Once I met up with Rebecca again, I met my last 2 team members, Lisa (a lion tamer) from Dallas and Faye (on tough mamma from Houston). Lisa and Faye were tent mates and they had never walked in a 3 Day before either!  I really think that God had a plan to put comfortable people in my life. Believe it or not, I’m a chicken especially when it comes to meeting new people. God put 4 of the most laid back, fun loving, Starbucks  craving, down home people in my life for that weekend.

                The opening ceremony began with me being hit upside the head at least 15 times with giant beach balls. After being packed in a cage like a bunch of make up wearing, smell good sporting sardines, we had a group stretch. Not even kidding, this was a horrible idea. I got zero stretching done and had a bunch of stranger booty all over my legs. 

 In this picture below.... Notice the inflatable??....  It wasnt alone...

                Dr. Sherri Philips came out on stage, and that’s when you realized all of your hard work to earn your spot in this walk was coming full circle. I watched in awe as Dr. Phillips reminded all of us why were in Dallas. It wouldn’t be until the end of the walk that we would find out that together, DFW walkers raised 7.1 million dollars!!

This adorable little package is Dr. Phillips with the Monkey Curei Osity, who walked in all the 2011 3-Day events:

We gave a salute to the survivors circle, and then we hit the pavement. (some broken sidewalks, lots of curbs, sometimes grass – you know all that fun stuff)

                The city of Dallas is so amazing. They have some of the most amazing people you will ever have cheer for you. Not too many miles in, we came to a school where all the children were able to stand outside and cheer for us. They created signs, they screamed on the top of their little lungs. It was so cool!  I remember this one little chunky guy who couldn’t reach the top of the fence to wave, I had to run across the street and give this little dude a huge hug and high five. Bless his little heart.

(These are the kids from the school!)

              There are people around every corner helping us out. This lady was an awesome crew member who helped us cross the road and always "lied" to us about how much further to the pit stop! (they all lied, ok they probably didnt lie but they always said "ALMOST THERE.")

               

After walking through some absolutely beautiful neighborhoods and wondering if I could ever live in Dallas it was time for lunch. You would be amazed at how quickly you can walk 10 miles. It was like we had only walked 4 or 5. You are so busy talking with other men and women that time rushes right by. Lunch was provided in a beautiful little park, where you were able to eat Panera Bread sandwiches and rehydrate. You could also check in at the medical tent if you needed to. I needed to mole skin some hot spots, so I got taken care of.

LUNCH:

Dallas has some of the most amazing cheerleaders. Training would be so much easier if I had people cheering me on all along the route!

There was this lady, and her Right boob:

Then, there was this guy - he must really understand a walkers pain:

Check out Rebecca and Lisa with this Breast Cancer Awarenes Fan:

 

                After Lunch, you can shuttle back to camp or keep on walking. Camp was at a beautiful college, which I cannot remember the name of now. Once you get to camp on Day 1 you have to pitch your tent right away. You find your luggage, grab a tent, and then walk your happy 
(cranky) buns to the proper camping space. Remember I told you that I was completely panicked over pitching a tent? God sent me the sweetest little boy scout who pitched my tent while I walked my poor feet to the medical tent.

When I entered the medical tent a trainer from UCO in Edmond was there to take a look at my nasty blisters on the bottoms of my toes. He said we really needed to pop them. THE PAIN WAS HORRIBLE! When he looked at my left foot, he asked why it would be so swollen. I lied and told him I had no idea, and that it wasn’t in any sort of pain. Truth is, I was in an excruciating amount of pain but I didn’t want to get a “red” card so I just kept my mouth shut. 

                After my feet received the painful treatment I went to my tent, laid my sleeping bag out on the grass and shut my eyes for a good 2 hours. The sun warmed me while I was resting. When I woke, my tentmate and blister sister forever Nicole was there. She asked if I was ready to get up. I told her I was ready for a shower and so to the portable showers I went. There I was able to take a long hot shower and get my pajamas on. The 3 Day campsite is one amazing place – see everyone eats dinner in their pajamas! How cool is that? I had forgotten a towel and flip flops, but my sweet mother in-law and husband came to my rescue! I was never so happy to see a pair of house shoes in my life. My blisters were still killing me at this point. I mean, so much that I had to walk on my heels.

                We ate a really good dinner. The best mac and cheese ever, then there was a little camp show and it was time to hit the …. Cold ground. I think that it’s best not to sleep too comfortably. Some people brought luxurious sleeping arrangements (which in no way, shape, or form was less than the 35 pound weight limit but let’s not go there) but I really still feel like sleeping on a yoga mat and in a sleeping bag was the best option. I was forced to move and stretch out all night long. My best tent buddy in the entire world wore a forever lazy to bed. She said it was really awesome. I was kind of hoping she would write forever lazy a letter and tell them that she did this, then ask them to sponsor us and provide us with forever lazy sleep wear in pink for next year’s walk.

Nicole in her FOREVER LAZY!

                So, when you wake up its FREEEEEZING outside. Ok, like artic cold. Ok, not that cold but close enough. I wore about 17 layers on day 2. Ok I just had 3 layers on but I’m telling you that it was so cold. You get up and you don’t want to go to the porta-pots (they flushed and that was really cool) because you can’t see. It’s still dark at 5:30 am and you’re cold but you go potty anyways. Then it’s time for a fabulous breakfast that would have been more fabulous if my hash browns weren’t frozen and I’m not even kind of kidding here. If I would have taken a bite of my triangular hash brown I would have lost a tooth.

This is where you get your food at 5am:

               

You have to be ready to hit the trail no earlier than 6:50 and no later than 7:00 am. We were off at 7 am. My feet honestly felt like a million bucks now that the blisters had been treated. All the girls and I hit the trail and off we went to walk 20 (it turned out to be 27 that day) more miles. This day I soaked in a lot of new people. About every 3-5 miles you will find a pit stop. This is where you can rehydrate, use the restroom and get medical attention.

This is also where I met a trainer named Kelly. It was at this pit stop  that Kelly  asked me if I was doing ok, I told her yes I was fine. She asked if my left foot was bothering me and I told her no not really. She commented that she had seen me limping and just thought maybe I would want to get it checked out. Then, I told Kelly the truth. I looked her in straight in the eyes and then hung my head down low. I told her I was in a bit of pain but it really wasn’t too terrible yet. Then I told her that my foot was still fractured, and followed that statement with “Please don’t red card me.” She just smiled and said I won’t, but why would you do that to yourself. Then I told her – My grandmother is a breast cancer survivor, my stepmother is a second time Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma survivor, a kid who works from me has lost his mother to breast cancer, my uncle lost his sister in-law to breast cancer and my husband has two aunts who have both survived breast cancer. Cancer doesn’t stop because you have a broken leg; Chemotherapy is still given if you have a broken bone. I’m not going to stop walking because I have a broken foot, I just cannot do it. She looked at me and said “You be careful” then tears began to pool in her eyes and she said to me “You have really touched me today.” Kelly became my favorite medical staffer throughout the entire walk. Every time she would see me, she would just do a quick check up and off I would go. It was a blessing to have someone so awesome to count on when my feet needed some medical attention.

PEOPLE DRESS LIKE THIS!!! IT MAKES THE WALK SO MUCH MORE FUN!!!

               

Along the way I met the sweetest woman, Barbara, who did not dress like this! She and I walked together the entire afternoon on day 2. We only swept one time this day and it was for just a mile. We had so much fun talking about everything in the world. It was like our pain escaped our bodies as we enjoyed each other’s fellowship. 

Check out these little cheerleaders:

When we got back to camp Barbara and I took a picture by the Day 2 sign and then went to get massages from the Bank of America Tent. HECK YES!

                Then It was dinner time. You have never been so darn hungry in your life. Check out what our “dining room” looked like while we were there:

                Night 2 was so sad. It was the last night you had together. It was so emotional. You had barely known any of these people for 24 hours and you just don’t want to leave them at all. Speaking of emotional, this man whose wife was currently fighting another battle with breast cancer walked. He carried a flag that said “My hero” the entire way. As if that was a big enough tear jerker, he also carried a flag on his backpack:

                Morning of Day 3 I was so ready to kick some ass. Kelly made me tough out the bone chilling pain of icing my broken left foot the night before. Then she scolded me just a little, smiled, and sent me on my way. J She told me that I really needed to take Day 3 easy so that I could finish strong.

                I waited in line forever trying to get on a bus (everyone was shuttled to the starting line) and in the meantime my handsome boy scout came to my rescue and packed up my tent for me! This was the waiting area for the shuttle on day 3:

               

(See what I mean by too dark to want to go potty!!)

I made Faye stop and get some medical attention from my buddy Kelly! But, Kelly wasnt there yet so she had to settle for a cute young medical staff guy. I dont think she minded. (i know i didnt mind!)

 Another Reason Why I walk. This lady is 39 years old and she is a 10 year survivor. Not only is that sad that she was diagnosed at my age - but its inspirational, because we are coming so far.

                Day 3 would take us through a slightly scary part of Dallas. I saw several bums and thought we may have even witnessed a “deal” but we just kept walking and minding our own business. At the time I don’t think I realized the purpose of God routing us through there. Now I look back and I realize that this walk is bigger than we are. Its purpose, goals and missions are to help others. Believe me when I say on this journey, you’re not only helping to fund breast cancer research. It’s much bigger than that. Maybe we inspired someone to reach out to homeless people. Maybe we inspired the homeless people to do something bigger and better too. I was warned that we would be around several bums in a certain district of Dallas. So, I packed my pockets and bag as full of food as I could and handed out meals along the way.

WE DID NOT FEED THE GORILLA!

               
The last couple of miles, I don’t know where you find that last little strength but you do. My feet were experiencing labor pains, my legs burned, my head ached, my body was weak. The team members I walked with all felt the same way. Aches, pains and weakness wouldn’t stop us from our goal. Faye, and her blood soaked shoes slung across her shoulder.  She walked the last 15 miles in socks. This was by far the worst part of Dallas to walk without shoes but she wasn’t going to let a little blood (It was a hot mess of blood, the outsides of her feet were rubbed raw and bleeding ok!) stop her.  We pushed on, and as we walked our last 3 miles it rained for the first time in 3 days. I remember saying “These are the angels who left this earth fighting breast cancer. They are crying because they are so happy that we took a stand, we are fighting for a cure, and we won’t give up.” In that moment we all shed a few tears, walked a little farther and the rain stopped. I remember leaning on my team as they leaned on me. We would pull each other across that finish line if we had to.

 My Hero Faye:

FINALLY!!! MILE 59! We had made it to the mile 59 mark. halllayllllooouuuuuYA! (halleluiah) Technically this was like mile 66 if you remember the extra 7 miles from day 2 – but hey whose counting!

This last mile, is very emotional. You know that you are almost there; you don’t realize how many people are awaiting you. You just push through all of the pain to get to the end. When you embark on mile 60, all the crew, medical staff, and fellow walkers who have made it there ahead of you are there ready to cheer you on. It’s so awesome! A feeling of accomplishment is followed by feelings of joy, love, HOPE, peace, honor and so much more. You did it. You rallied for a cause, you raised much needed funds for research, but most of all you raised awareness. From the community you live in to the community you walk in – you touched a few hearts in this life.

 Nicole, Rebecca, Faye, Lisa and Yours Truly!!

My beautiful team at the finish line! This was such an amazing journey and I am so blessed and honored to call these ladies my friends. Breast Friends Forever! J Love you!

After you cross the finish line you get to go to a closing ceremony. It is so powerful and so moving. Then, you get to meet up with your family. I didnt take any pictures, in fact not many of us did. It was too emotional and you just wanted to be able to be with your new friends in that moment. It was awesome!

Im walking Dallas in 2012. Will you come with me?!

Time to get cookin!

Late last night, way past bloggers bedtimes, I came across a new charity which I cannot wait to dig into! Have you heard of Bake for Hunger?  Well, the organization I am talking about has paired with Duncan Hines to Bake for Hunger. I am talking about Share Our Strengths Great American Bake Sale. No Kid Hungry.

Basically, you form a team (or you can do an individual event) and together your team plans a huge bake sale. Then you pre-heat your ovens, bake up a storm, and sell baked goods – all proceeds going to After School and Summer Reading program grants.

Share Our Strength is a leading organization dedicated to ending childhood hunger in America. Here are some ways the funds you raise can help: (this came directly from thier website)

·         $25 Can help feed one child three healthy meals every day for a month.

·         $50 Can help connect one child with healthy meals throughout the summer.

·         $100 Can help provide 25 children facing hunger with backpacks full of healthy food to feed them and their families over the weekend.

·         $200 Can help buy grocery bags of healthy foods for 50 families in need.

·         $500 Can help reach twelve low-income families with a life-changing, six-week nutritious cooking and food budgeting course.

To find out more about their efforts, please visit: Strength.org.

Obviously, this is going to be a “continued later” post. But, I do promise that I will be working for this organization as closely as possible. God is so cool. For a week or so now, I have been talking to God about creating a Food Pantry that services SWKS. See, there are several food pantries around but here are 2 major problems:

1.    Most are only open every other week. Well, this could mean that families may run out of food before the pantry re-opens.

2.    Gas. Prices. The higher they climb, the less likely families will be able to travel to pantries once they open.

It really doesn’t take much for a human being to purchase a couple extra cans of veggies or an extra box of rice when they make a trip to the store. You’re feeding your future. Kids need to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. I think that they should even have an option for snack. They shouldn’t feel guilty when they eat. “If I eat, my mommy won’t get dinner.” Kids have so many other things that they should worry about while they still have a childhood. We all know too well that once your childhood is over – it’s over.

You know, I think about my children and pray that IF we ever need food assistance that my children won’t have to carry the burden. How unfair.

Please stay tuned, and please let me know if this interests you as much as it does me!! Maybe, together we can make an impact on ending childhood hunger.

Today’s my birthday! I’m loving my day! So many blessings!! :D

Bucket List

Alright, So I have been gone for a while .... but I promise I am back!!!! Woo hoo!!

I really needed to share this: So here we go!

So, once upon a time… I told everyone to start working on a bucket list. I still think you should create a bucket list, but now I have new advice.

First, let me back track a bit. So, once upon a time… I had a bucket list. I was able to cross a couple things off this bucket list in that first year that I had it. Then, we flew to Florida, where I would be able to check off a few more items on my bucket list. But I lost the bucket list in the hotel room. I have called and reported it missing. It has broken my heart, shaken my ground, and rocked my world. I still don’t have my bucket list. But today I’m not sick about it.

Every night, I walk between 2-4 miles. Tonight, I told God that I am very upset that I don’t have my bucket list anymore. I told him that he knows I function best when I have a list no matter what the occasion (grocery shopping, weekly menus, to-do’s, and bucket listing) …..

You know what I think I heard tonight? I think he wanted to tell me that the bucket list I made, that made so much sense to me, that lead me in the right direction, that helped me stay motivated, that continuously focused me – wasn’t as important as GOD IS.

You know, thinking back to when I wrote that bucket list. I was in the lowest of the lowest part of my life. I had no hope, no direction, no idea where we were headed.   I decided if I had goals, and I knew where I wanted to go in life I would be alright. Well, the bucket list helped – but it wasn’t what pulled us through. God was.

I got caught up in the moment, and never asked God if any of my bucket list items were in his plan. Does he want me to swim with dolphins? Or would his list for me have something more like “fund a school in Africa and watch it be built?”

I’m going to make a new bucket list. One that God guides me to write. I am not saying that this will work out his master plan for you or anything like that… I really think it’s important to know what you would like to do in your short life you have – but don’t add things that may be more for you and less for others.

Give.

Secret Millionaire - If you haven’t watched this show - you need too!! It’s fantastic. It brings a refreshing and inspiring perspective to your Sunday evenings. I admire people who are givers. Givers don’t expect anything in return. They are humbled by giving. They understand that other peoples troubles aren’t self inflicted.

There are a lot of people who need attention, most of those people are what I like to call takers. They take, take, take. If they don’t get materialistic things, well then, they want the media attention. It would kill these people to share a thing. They can’t believe there are such stores as second hand stores, and they cannot accept the idea that others live in poverty by fate and not always by choice. Takers have high expectations for the world, yet don’t respect themselves enough to walk away from the lifestyle that has defined there very selfishness. There are every day takers, Hollywood takers, and then there are political takers.

While I don’t believe public healthcare is the answer, I don’t understand why we continue to allow people to die because they don’t have insurance. Autry was in ICU for 9 days - 7 of which he was an uninsured 13 month old baby, intubated and unresponsive, administered between 19-23 drugs per day. Not once was I brave enough to mention that our medical insurance was to expire, and that we would not have any coverage for the majority of his stay. Today I owe nearly 170k in medical bills. Not by choice, by fate. That week, was the most humbling week of my life. I am sure that if I live to be 100 I will still be in massive amounts of debt, but I do not worry about my financial future any longer. I have been to the bottom, I know what its like to not know what will happen next. I know that it’s a struggle that we did not ask for. I wish that people wouldn’t have to worry so much about their health and healthcare. Maybe they could worry more about getting medical clearance for jobs, physicals, vaccinations. I was talking to a friend who was looking for a job. She told me that she didn’t have the money to get to her physical let alone pay someone to tell her that she was “all clear.” Luckily she was able to get to a county health clinic. But it really has me wondering if people really cannot get jobs because they don’t have medical coverage which allows for them to get appropriate treatment before starting…

When you realize that it doesn’t matter what kind of car you drive, where you purchased your prom dress, or where you graduate from college - you will discover the “True. You.” If materials define who you are, you will someday be introduced to a rude awakening. You don’t get to take that expensive gown, those designer shades, or designer tote with you when its time to leave the earth. Some people get rich quick, and its those people who bug me the most. I want to shake them and say “do you not remember what it was like to be grateful, thankful, or humbled by the small things.” don’t ever be too foolish to realize that everything you have can be taken away. I remember a sermon that we need to learn that we must hold everything loosely, because when we grip it tightly, it hurts when the Father pries our fingers loose and takes it from us!
Recently I was watching this Repo show on tv and these “dancers” were so ticked off at the repo man because he had to take away her brand new corvette. She was so upset that she beat him up, and later went to his office and slapped him across the face when she couldn’t use her “good looks and southern charm” to get her car back.

Do we hold on tight to things that we shouldn’t? Do we cherish our new vehicles more than we cherish our friendships? Does staying out late at a high school party mean more to you than keeping your families trust? Do you let your attitude destroy long standing relationships?

We have a friend whose parents literally lost everything in a house fire last week. I began to think about life in a slightly different way. If my house burnt to the ground. If my pictures, clothing, money, food, decorations, appliances, toys, and keepsakes were all gone too … where would I stand. Will I have lost everything? Or will I still have relationships that not even the widest wild fire could take away? Friends, Friendships, Life long relationships are not built around pick up trucks and name brand attire. Your true friends will be standing there next to you assuring you that what is really important is that you are all ok.

Care for your community -

I went on a walk or tour of our town tonight. I wish that everyone would look around at not only their home, but their neighborhood, their city, and their state and ask themselves “Is there something that I can do to better this place.” Have you ever considered starting a neighborhood restoration program? A community restoration program? Have you ever thought about adopting a highway? Cleaning up around a historical point of interest that is important to you?

There are so many opportunities to make a huge impact in the places you care about the most. What is it that holds you back? Time, money, kids, the feeling that one person cant make a significant impact? Admit the obstacle to yourself. Then decide if that is really what is keeping you from volunteering a service once in awhile.

Let me help you decide what is truly and obstacle. So lets start with money. It doesn’t cost very much money if any money at all to volunteer your time and services. Join a group who cleans a highway. Some groups clean on a weekly basis (I like to call these the super hwy group.) some clean on a monthly, bi-monthly, 6 month basis. You can walk up and down a highway for little to no cost. I used to do this in 4-H and have recently decided that this is one of the simplest ways to get re-involved doing something for the state and earth. The people you pick up trash with are usually in great spirits and will motivate you every step of the way.

Time… when Kirt and I recruited people into ACACIA we used to tell kids who said “I cant join because I don’t have the time.” that it only takes as much time as you want it to take. If you only have a few seconds to make and impact - consider not tossing your trash out of the window. Consider writing a check to an organization that you hold close to your heart. If you have more than a few seconds then you should begin brainstorming some ways that you could volunteer your services. Again! Time is only a factor if you allow it to be! Pick a service that only takes what you can offer. Getting in too deep will make you feel as if you are unsuccessful. Volunteering for something small and manageable is a great start. Once you get a good feel for the organization you will be able to decide if you may have a little more time to set aside. Really, the truth is - making a difference is contagious so you WILL begin to find more time. Promise!

Got Kids? Lots of organizations will reply “Great!” Several organizations love your kids to be involved. Relay for Life is an event that kids are welcomed with open arms! I love having a kid on my team. Why? Well because one person from your team must be walking at all times. So, when its 3:30 am and I am considering taping my eyelids open … I opt for sending a young one out to walk the track. Give them mountain dew, candy, and glow sticks and those kids can walk for hours!

A little bit goes a long ways - so you should never think that a small act is going to be “too little.” You can really talk yourself out of doing things because you don’t think that your idea is going to be enough for the cause you want to help out. I have found out, in these last couple months that a little bit goes a long ways!
Ok so I understand that completely seems vague, let me give you some great examples! :D The simplest act you can do is to donate a little money, sometimes we don’t have money. Consider going to an elderly care facility at Christmas time with your friends. Sing Christmas carols to the residents. The ideas are endless and always remember that simple is sometimes sweetest. Sometimes it’s the smallest acts of love that mean the most.

Your neighborhood, community, and state are all in need of your services. Whether you bag your neighbors leaves in the fall, raise money to start a safe hang out for teens, or begin the task of restoring one of your favorite historical landmarks your services will not go unnoticed.
Make a difference. You can do it!!

　
　

Rollercoaster

Life is an incredible journey. The paths are long, wicked, twisted. The miles are countless. Some people walk an amazingly short life while others have the blessing to endure longer trips. If you have breath, you have purpose. I really believe that we are all here for one main purpose. To enrich the lives of those around us, as a child of God.

This last month has been a rollercoaster ride. Speaking of which. Once upon a time, I turned 21. That weekend, we went to KC to the casino and Worlds of Fun. I took Kirt on his first roller coaster ride. We decided to ride the Timber wolf. It was AMAZING!!! To every rider except kirt. He hated it and hated me.

This rollercoaster month has taken us from meeting a beautiful church family, to losing a very close friend, enrolling in college, to getting news that Autry may have yet another surgery. It seems like if something good happens there is something bad lurking in the background. Let me tell you that it has been a trip. I lost a lot of focus, but I am back!

I want to get back into the blogging groove. It really keeps me focused on my misson! During this rollercoaster ride, I have had a lot of opportunity come to me and I want to share a little bit. If anything strikes you as inspiring I would love to have some help so msg me on facebook!!

This year alone, I am so excited to embark on so many new adventures that will not only enrich my lives both those of others. My biggest honor this year and its only March - is that I was named as an Ambassador for the Three Day For A Cure this fall in Dallas! I am going to walk 60 miles over the course of 3 days. I am going to be surrounded by a family of walkers who are there because they have one thing in common: We all believe that the road will lead us to a cure. You can follow me at
Future plans consist of feeding families at the Ronald McDonald House in Kansas City. I absolutely cannot wait to open my heart to families who are in the deepest need that they have ever been in. I have spent plenty of time in the RMH. I have grieved with parents and families, I have been inspired parents, I have been encouraged and shown light to many families.

I am also planning a very awesome event that will consist of an entire community coming together to package meals in order to help save the starving! This adventure will be thrilling, humbling, and honoring. This project is in the works, and there will be plenty of information to come.. . Please stay tuned

God has so many cool plans in store for me. I have really allowed for him to use me. Which has been incredibly fun…. I want everyone to understand something though - just because you open your world and life to God and just because you allow him to use you … it doesn’t mean everyday is going to be amazing and care free. There are still so many trials and tribulations. Some days the load that I am expected to carry seems to be nearly impossible, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. See, allowing god to use me to disciple to others has created amazing opportunities for me. http://letswalkthisway.blogspot.com/

Such a Good Day

　
It is no secret that it has been a week from hell for some of us. It has been a nightmare, that you cant wake up from. I truly believe the answer to the question "why" will never appear. I have asked myself why a hundred million times regarding 100 million situations - and not once have I ever been given an obvious answer.

Sunday, I decided to wrap up the week by going to a new church. We love our church and church family in Ashland but it is a struggle to get kids clean, dressed, loaded and off to church with out a 35 mile drive. The church we picked is just around the corner. I really believe God sent us to this church. First of all the pastor is an Oklahoma State Alumni which makes Kirt excited because there is finally an okstate fan in this part of he country. The best thing about Sunday & church was that I was able to meet a very nice couple who not only are neighbors (they live behind us) but she stays at home & hosts women’s bible studies. I love to have a network of stay-at-home moms because believe it or not sometimes people really look down at you when you offer your profession.

The best thing about Sunday night was that my family came over for dinner. We grilled hamburgers & like the awesome big sister I am I helped Landon with his science project and slogan for the element Calcium. Being the slowly maturing 8^th grader that he is we decided that while “Get a bone.” is funny that it would likely cause a total uproar from the boys and cause the teacher to not be very thrilled. . . I honestly don’t know which of the 20 we came up with he will chose.

Today was an awesome day - Kirt was off for Presidents Day! We had a great day of R&R which was much needed. My morning started off by me receiving and email stating that I was chosen to be an Ambassador for The official Three Day for a cure!!! I cannot tell you how excited I am about this news!!

I am so excited to continue on this road of adventure and leadership. Just wanted to leave you with one of my most favorite quotes.

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.
~John Quincy Adams

bring in spring

Its official I have the fever. Not baby fever. Spring fever. I’m so ready for spring - but in the back of my mind there’s a voice of reason saying its only February, and we’re in for one more snow. Ok. So, I know that its some kind of sick rule that mother nature rarely fails to follow but its become a rule that it always snows the first week of track season.

Im so excited because Kirt gets a 3 day weekend, and I have lots of spring projects in store for him.
First - we are going to try Strie. It’s a fancy word for dragging. I have decided to take this opportunity to try a new faux technique in my living room. Now I need to pick a color and get some paint.
Next, its time to clean out the garage! YAY! Sounds like a blast …

Today the boys and I planted a garden. This garden is a temporary indoor garden. We planted black eyed susans, forget me nots, carnations and delphiniums. This garden was a side effect of my spring fever.

Finally, the most important projects for the weekend include fixing up our soon to be rental property in Ashland and moving our hot tub to our new home.

Keeping busy is starting to get a little easier. I have been looking into several DIY projects that I want to be able to accomplish … now I just have to gather all of the materials and get started.

On Sunday. February 13^th I found out that a very close friend had passed away. This is a tough loss for me for several reasons. I want to share with you one of my greatest memories of Clayton.

Clayton was one of the kindest people you would ever know. He was one of the very first people to speak to me when I moved to Meade. He seemed shy at first, but once you got to know him he very open and out going. We could always count on him for a great laugh. Clayton and I were track buddies. Both of us throw shot, disc and javelin. Clayton was one of the few people to be very patient with me while he taught me how to properly be a “thrower.” At practice I drove him nuts on a daily basis, but he never told me I did. He would always shake his head and smile. At a track meet in Greely I threw my personal best, as always Clayton was there with me and when we knew I had thrown my best he told me “Keahey, I know I will never say this again but that was a damn good shot!” Ha! He was an excellent teacher, friend, and teammate.

Today (Friday) is his funeral. It is sure to be an emotional day…

Life in a Northern Town

Have you ever dreamed of gazing with wonder at the Northern Lights? I dream of getting the opportunity to watch this phenomenon dance before my eyes.

Eskimos once believed that the lights were the dancing spirits of children who died at birth. How beautiful is this theory?

Some people believed the lights to be a sign of Gods Anger. How could such a beautiful light show be theorized as Gods anger? Ok, so this is a fairly ancient theory and I understand how it could have been derived. I just have to go on the optimistic side here and say that the electric splendor of this show would have never made me question Gods mood. I’m very sure that the rarity of this magnificent display is God cheering from the Heavens.

Today, the Japanese believe that a child conceived under the dancing lights will be granted fortune and good luck. I love this theory too. It is no secret that I am a hopeless romantic. This theory makes my heart skip beats -

Last April, when Kirt and I hit rock bottom, I started a bucket list. It was a spiritual, financial, marital drought that just kept falling. When we finally hit the bottom of the well - the well was dry. There was nothing there to break our fall. We fell long and we fell hard. There were a few injuries to our egos but other than that we just suffered minor scrapes, bruises and set backs.

Ok, so it sounds like a terrible time to start such a list… but really I think it’s the most perfect time. I am a Dreamer. I dream big every single day. Literally there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t share a new dream, aspiration, target or desire with Kirt. So, for me Rock bottom meant the only direction I could go was UP… and UP was where I wanted to be. I started a note book to keep track of all of the things I want to complete in my lifetime. Just a few things on my list include:

I would like to teach my children to ride a bike.

I would like to run or walk in a marathon as long as I complete it.

I would like to start a blog & keep a steady flow of writings posted to it (WOO! HOO!! I am doing this)

I would like to travel to Alaska, and experience an Alaskan Adventure.

I would like to own a home! (I completed this one!! It was my first to complete)

I seriously want to encourage those of you who are down on your luck to go get a notebook and a pen and begin to write out a bucket list. There are plenty of good websites that will give you tons of information on how to get started. When life gets a little shaky look at your bucket list and remember that its ok to dream. Someday you will be able to accomplish the goals you have set forth for yourself. Crossing off goals that are on your list is so liberating.

I cant wait until I get to experience an Alaskan Adventure. I hope I can top it all off with a witness of the most astonishing light show in all of the earth.

Love With Out Conditions

One of the hardest things for us to do is love without conditions. Jesus loves everyone one of us unconditionally. As Human beings we tend to naturally place conditional stipulations on all of our relationships. Like, we expect that our friends, family, boyfriends, husbands, wife’s are going to do something to fail anyways. So we just say I Love(d) you but only until you mess up, which will happen, but until then we can love. Now come on. That’s just insane. People really do expect their relationships to fail before the relationship begins.

I have done it. I am mature enough to admit that I wasn’t able to love unconditionally. I think sometimes I struggle with this. I think that the way you learn to have an unconditional love for someone is to filter back through all of you failed relationships and discover what it was that went wrong. Then, knowing that you have faults you can accept the idea that no relationship will ever be perfect, thus leaving the theory “Something is going to go wrong anyways” behind. You are right something will go wrong every now and then…knowing how to repair the problem means you have decided to love without conditions.

Disclaimer: I told Kirt that I was going to do this list…. So don’t freak out. Besides the fact that I have always been open and honest with him about my past boyfriends. When we discussed this blog, we both agreed that God has a plan for everyone and there was a reason why each trial failed.

In High School I dated a guy who was older than me. I thought I was absolutely in love. I date him for 4 years and “loved” him unconditionally. Maybe when you are younger you are more capable of leaving the conditions behind. This relationship was thought by many, to be a forever lasting relationship. Then, I went to college. Still dating this guy, I began seeing several other guys.

The first guy was a football player. He was (still is) one of the nicest, kindest people you will ever meet. Looking back I didn’t break up with my boyfriend because I was afraid to lose a relationship if this new one didn’t work out. I really liked Mr. Football. He was in several of my classes. I ate lunch and dinner with him everyday. He had the most beautiful eyes you have ever gazed into. He was “perfect” and I couldn’t have him because I was afraid to fall. I don’t think he would have ever dropped me…but I wasn’t able to let go of the relationship I was in. Mr. Football, I am so sorry for not trusting you to catch me when I fall.

A year of hays, a broken relationship, and bad grades later - I moved home. I couldn’t live at home, it was driving me crazy so I moved to Albuquerque. That’s when I called off my 4 year relationship. While I was in ABQ I learned several lessons. The most important lesson was that you don’t have to be boyfriend and girlfriend to go on a date. This doesn’t make you a sleeze ball because you go out with different people.

I went to the movies a couple times with a student who was interning at Solaria. He would pick me up and we would go grab dinner, watch a movie and then I would go home. It was a lot like a friendship except we kissed goodnight….I don’t kiss my guy friends… so this was definitely dating.

I went bowling, and to a Mexican food restaurant which lead to the biggest epic fail ever. That was fun. Lesson was learned there. (story in a previous blog)

I dated a guy exclusively for a couple months. I really like him a lot. This was my hardest lesson in love. I have blogged about this previously. I fell “madly in love” with this guy. He was everything you ever wanted in someone. Gentle, loving, polite. He was much older (12 years older), and a lot more mature than I was. I would go to bed at night thinking that this was the man that I was supposed to marry. I know what went wrong… more than one thing…. But most importantly neither one of us started the relationship out telling the truth. The relationship may have been “perfect” because we lied to make it work.

So, the lessons I have learned thus far: Trust that you wont get hurt, and its ok to explore your options and go out with someone for dinner. But, if you have to pay all the time unless you go to his place of work where he gets a discount its probably a HUGE NO Bueno!! And finally, you have to start out having an honest relationship -

Well my mom became pregnant and I moved home in the late spring so that I could attend college closer. The plan was to attend OPSU so that I wasn’t too far from home. Over the summer I taught swimming lessons, saved money and began new relationships.

I formed a beautiful friendship with a guy who was a little younger then me, but so very mature for his age. I think that this relationship was amazing. There was so much passion and we never even went beyond kissing. You could just feel the unconditional love that surrounded this relationship. I can only speak for myself, but I think we both agreed that there was no way this relationship could work until we were both in college. We also knew that if we dated it would be incredibly hard to maintain a long distance relationship. We promised each other that we would wait for each other, we would finish college together and we would get married. Every dream we had we shared and we never once judged each other for their ambitions. I still care so deeply for this person. I don’t think he will ever know how much he still means to me.

Well, the plan was to go to OPSU. Over the summer I began talking to Kirt. I think our relationship took off like wild fire. We couldn’t go without seeing each other. We prayed for rain, so that he could have a day off from the long harvest hours. I couldn’t wait to see him. I would sneak over to Ashland to hang out even if it was only for an hour. We called things off about a month into dating. When I look back and really think about all of this I realize that Kirt never really officially asked me out … So he called things off after about a month of hanging out. I was devastated!! I knew that we would never be able to maintain a relationship from OPSU to NWOSU. I had applied and been accepted to NWOSU, and already intended on attending as a Ranger in the fall. Sometime after the fourth of July I remember Kirt asked if I would come hang out again. I did. It was amazing how not awkward it was even though I knew he didn’t want to have a relationship with me. It was too long after that we assumed we were dating I ended up attending NWOSU with my friend. He never asked me out. Our relationship took off quickly. I trusted that he wouldn’t ever hurt me again. I trusted that we were both honest to begin with, I knew that we could love with out worrying about long distances or bad dates. A friend of his wanted us to break up so badly. We got past that real quickly. Before he would ask me to be his wife. Yes, 6 short months of dating and he proposed. No surprise really. We were married 2 years after that.

I truly believe that my previous relationships were stepping stones toward a future relationship. I’m sure that for some people I was a great learning tool also. I believe that you cant form healthy relationships if you haven’t learned from your past mistakes. We have to learn to love unconditionally, without pre-game jitters, without stipulations, and without expectations. We have to learn to be vulnerable and leave assumptions behind.

Paradise Falls

If you haven’t sat down to watch the movie UP, you are seriously missing out. That movie is extremely heart warming. I love everything about it. It takes you through a very aged love that some of us forget to appreciate. As little kids they made promises to each other that they would do all sorts of things in this bucket list. Buy a home, have a baby, retire and move to paradise falls.

I watched this movie recently and realized that I really wasn’t sure where Kirt & my paradise falls would be. We took a honey moon to Puerto Rico. That was absolutely amazing. It was a lush paradise nestled amongst a tropical rainforest. Absolutely beautiful. I don’t think I would want to retire there though. If I could chose anywhere in the world to retire I would chose Alaska no questions asked.

Alaska? Yep. First of all 30 days of night sounds amazing. I have always wanted to hibernate during the long weather months. I cant imagine how romantic it would be to be able to watch the Northern Lights with someone you love. Kirt could fish and hunt and be manly all day long which is great- I love when I can shuffle him out the door!! Alaska is majestic, and so is a love that can endure years of trials and tribulations. For me, this would be the ultimate paradise falls.

I think that its important in any marriage that you begin to look forward to your years you will spend in your personal paradise. It gives you a lot to work for, strive for and believe in. You need something to aspire to achieve. You should be able to say “This is something I have always dreamed about doing.“ What good is life if you cant dream?


Tonight: Have a discussion with your significant other about where their paradise falls might be!

Love Like The Movies

　
Wouldn’t it be amazing if our love could be like the love we witness in the movies? Well friends, I have great news! It can!

Think about love in the movies? What is so different about it? Well, let me enlighten you. In the movies, you see this beautiful romance… It never fails, two people love each other, then there’s a problem and WOAH! The break up. Sounds familiar right? Then, the two people in the movies always seem to find each other again and live happily ever after.

Don’t tell me that this isn’t how it happens in the “real-world.” I’m not an expert in relationships at all. I have had my share and most of them failed. Isn’t that life? I have always been under the impression that only one will win. Only one should win…. And if it doesn’t, that’s another movie.

I have been in several leading rolls. It’s true. For instance, when I fell in love for the first time. I had never loved so deeply until I had met “Tony.” … Tony had resided in my apartment complex. He was beautiful, drove a fantastic vehicle and served me drinks when I went to his place of work. I was 19 so the drink part was kind of a big deal. Sometimes after work he would call me and ask if he could come over. I would wait on my balcony until I saw him pull in. My heart would skip beats when I would see his face or hear his voice. He would come over with flowers, wine, chocolate, a movie. We would lay in bed and watch a movie and then…..FALL ASLEEP. No really we would fall asleep. I always thought that he didn’t want more because he was super nice and gentleman like or maybe he didn't dig my lovely lady lumps. Boy was I wrong. He wasn’t into me, or any other human being that had girl privates. Sound like a movie?

Here’s another leading role I unintentionally landed. I met a guy who was super handsome. Every day he would make a point to drop into my office and say Hello. It was nice, he was nice, so I went out with him. He took me to a very expensive restaurant. So sexy. We ate steaks, shrimp, shared dessert, drank some martinis….racked up a real fine bill. Then he “forgot” his wallet and I paid. Should have been my first sign, but that would have made the movie too short. I continued to date this guy. He asked me out again and swore he wouldn’t forget his wallet. I went. We went to a Mexican restaurant. He knew all the waiters. O!! he worked here. I’m not above a waiter. I thought he was taking me for some good eats….. He took me out so he wouldn’t have to pay full price for our dinner. He told me “Order all you want I get a discount.” Maybe that would have been a great second hint, but I couldn’t take it - he was far to sexy and I chose to ignore that sign. Besides if you get a discount I think you should utilize it! Wouldn’t you? Of course you would - it’s a movie and you have to have enough material. After that dinner he took me to his house. This house was absolutely beautiful. It was huge and there was something too good to be true about this bachelor waiter living in one of the biggest homes I have ever been in. Then I noticed it had a ton of pictures of little kids. Are those your kids I asked? No those are my nieces and nephews.. O!! that’s so sweet!!! He went upstairs and drew me a bath in his parents room. First thought? I stink? Second thought and an arm pit sniff later I realize I smell like cherry blossoms and he just wants me naked. I go upstairs to the master bedroom….wine in tow and see that the bedding in this bedroom was far to beautiful to be his. Next thing I notice is all the women’s clothing in a walk in closet. Great. He’s married and has kids. I’m the mistress. NO! Not even close. I would have killed to have been the mistress in this movie. Instead, I take a closer look at the clothing and realize this is Mr. Wonderful parent home. Not getting naked tonight! I phoned a good friend to come to my rescue. I thanked this sexy idiot for a “wonderful” evening and ran like there was a piece of chocolate waiting for me in the car. EPIC. FAIL. Sound like a movie?

Finally friends, my most favorite romantic comedy. I married a back woods boy from the rural roads of Oklahoma. Romantic he is not. Brad Pitt, well that would be a stretch. I married Larry the Cable Guy. The most romantic present I have received in 6 valentines days was a fish. I know someone laughed at this. That is exactly why my marriage is a romantic comedy. If you asked Kirt and I to separately plan a Romantic Get-Away, money is not an issue, I know what the answer would be. So, friends here is the movie: Larry, or Kirt, wins a contest. He is getting an all expense paid trip for 2 anywhere in the world. He is so excited and comes home to tell his wife the great news. Melissa is so excited! Finally, something more romantic than a bug-eyed goldfish!! Where are we going!!?? Drummmmm Roooolllll PLEEEEEASE!!!

Lake Texoma!!!!! Pack your bags big mama or old lady (his terms of endearment) were going Stiper Fishing…..

For the record, if I could have a dream get-away for romantic valentines day I would love to share a kiss with the Eiffel Tower as my back drop. But, instead I will be striper fishing. I don’t even know what a striper fish is so I should probably Google that when I’m done here.

Don’t tell me that people wouldn’t pay money to see that movie!

Life isn’t about wishing you had love like the love that is on the big screen. Life is about finding the parts of your life that are better than the love that is featured on the silver screen. Everyone has the ability to find the love that is written in those scripts, you just have to watch carefully. Maybe you are already living a good movie and you just don’t realize it.

Stop worrying about what you don’t have. Learn to appreciate the love that you do have. You control your love story.

So that’s cliché? Well, I don’t understand why you can write your own love story. What is it that would make life more romantic for you? You have to open the lines of communication. I have had to tell kirt a million and ¾ times how unromantic he is. He finally got it for the first time in 6 years! Explain? Sure!

I like to think that I am always thinking about other people. I like to make sure that everyone in my life experiences a sentimental gift. These gifts never have to cost money, and will always make you feel good. Love notes are a start. I like to leave little sentiments on jolly ranchers and send them with Kirt in his pocket. When he finds a jolly rancher with a little note attached that reads “I Love You.”

Recently - and I really do mean after 6 years of zero romantic notions … Kirt brought me flowers, balloons, and reese pieces. He knew that I was heartbroken. I was so excited even though I was so empty from my loss. I knew that what Kirt did for me was heartfelt and sincere.

You may have to encourage your significant other to be more sentimental and you may have to do this a lot - but it will happen. It shouldn’t be a one way situation though. You cant ask the other person to be more romantic if you aren’t as romantic and heartfelt as you can be at all times. Kirt caught on to the trend, and I really think that there will be big changes in our marriage because he said it felt really good to surprise me and make me so happy. You really do write your own love story. If at anytime you feel like you are doing too much work, then its not the love story you are interested in. 6 years of solid commitment to molding Kirt into a Love Struck hopeless romantic took a lot of patience. It’s the fact that I didn’t ever give up on the hope that someday he would catch the craze that is the real love story. 　

Box of Chocolates

Sometimes things just taste better when you add a little chocolate. Unfortunately most things that are covered in chocolate are bad for you when consumed in large quantities.

Think about it - You want to indulge yourself in the Rich, Creamy, Sensational taste of a chocolate truffle. You consume one, and it catches you by surprise. Nothing has ever tasted this delicate and pleasurable before and so you consume another. Its not long before you have finished the entire box and you have to begin searching for an alibi. I like to pretend like the dog got into my goods and consumed the entire box.

Maybe eating an entire box of chocolates will only land you in bed with a stomach ache. Sometimes we are willing to live with the consequence. Its worth the pain because the temporary satisfaction of the lush chocolate melting in your mouth was enough to put your worst day at ease.

Every Valentines day my mother buys me a box of chocolates. It is so sweet! Every time I get a box of chocolates I am extremely cautious about which ones I consume. Ok, I’m going to admit a weird fact but … I bite a little corner off of every piece before I consume them! It keeps everyone out of my chocolates lol, but that’s not why! I hate, hate, hate the orange cream chocolates…there are some other pretty nasty ones too but that one is the WORST. SO, I bite a little bit of the edge off of everyone until I find the one and only coconut candy. I eat it - and im done with the entire box of chocolates. Weird? Sure, but intelligent too! I’m very cautious of what I’m consuming. Just tossing any piece of candy in your mouth could end badly.

What happens when the “chocolate” really makes us sick? Recently I was talking to a girl friend of mine who had finally “found love.” She told me that he was perfect. He treated her and her daughter like they were royalty. He was rich, royal and regal - just like your favorite bon-bon. I talked to her on and off about her and checked in to see how life was treating her. It was about a year, when “Kate” got beat up. After she told me I was just sick. Kate admitted that there was a “sugar” coating and that she had indulged in this lust for quite a while now. She knew the warning signs, but failed to listen to them. See, when things are sugar coated or chocolate covered we ignore sometimes we indulge without thinking about the consequences.

Have you ever seen a picture of a chocolate covered grasshopper? They look like milk duds. I cant imagine consuming one of these “delicacies” but that’s the point. If you don’t know what you’re really going to get, but you know you love chocolate - your might take the risk. While, sometimes risks can be rewarding they can also mean you have landed yourself and epic fail.
　
I think that one of life’s hardest lessons is to understand that while we enjoy things that are coated with delightful outside …. Sometimes that same thing is better raw. A strawberry would be amazing to consume with or without the extra topping…. How many of you would crunch on a big ol’ grasshopper?

Beware of the chocolate coating…. But take risks too! Sometimes you get lucky!

Northern Lights

Have you ever dreamed of gazing with wonder at the Northern Lights? I dream of getting the opportunity to watch this phenomenon dance before my eyes.

Eskimos once believed that the lights were the dancing spirits of children who died at birth. How beautiful is this theory?

Some people believed the lights to be a sign of Gods Anger. How could such a beautiful light show be theorized as Gods anger? Ok, so this is a fairly ancient theory and I understand how it could have been derived. I just have to go on the optimistic side here and say that the electric splendor of this show would have never made me question Gods mood. I’m very sure that the rarity of this magnificent display is God cheering from the Heavens.

Today, the Japanese believe that a child conceived under the dancing lights will be granted fortune and good luck. I love this theory too. It is no secret that I am a hopeless romantic. This theory makes my heart skip beats -

Last April, when Kirt and I hit rock bottom, I started a bucket list. It was a spiritual, financial, marital drought that just kept falling. When we finally hit the bottom of the well - the well was dry. There was nothing there to break our fall. We fell long and we fell hard. There were a few injuries to our egos but other than that we just suffered minor scrapes, bruises and set backs.

Ok, so it sounds like a terrible time to start such a list… but really I think it’s the most perfect time. I am a Dreamer. I dream big every single day. Literally there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t share a new dream, aspiration, target or desire with Kirt. So, for me Rock bottom meant the only direction I could go was UP… and UP was where I wanted to be. I started a note book to keep track of all of the things I want to complete in my lifetime. Just a few things on my list include:

I would like to teach my children to ride a bike.

I would like to run or walk in a marathon as long as I complete it.

I would like to start a blog & keep a steady flow of writings posted to it (WOO! HOO!! I am doing this)

I would like to travel to Alaska, and experience an Alaskan Adventure.

I would like to own a home! (I completed this one!! It was my first to complete)

I seriously want to encourage those of you who are down on your luck to go get a notebook and a pen and begin to write out a bucket list. There are plenty of good websites that will give you tons of information on how to get started. When life gets a little shaky look at your bucket list and remember that its ok to dream. Someday you will be able to accomplish the goals you have set forth for yourself. Crossing off goals that are on your list is so liberating.

I cant wait until I get to experience an Alaskan Adventure. I hope I can top it all off with a witness of the most astonishing light show in all of the earth.

Dance like a Gypsy.

Lets go Dance with the Gypsies Tonight -

　
I have always wondered how it would feel to be as free as a gypsy. You live and unconventional lifestyle, wandering, drifting and traveling to new destinations. You listen to your soul speak, and when its time to move onto another journey you pack what little possessions you need and leave. You never hesitate, there are no questions asked - you just have faith that the new path you have chosen will bring bigger adventures. The excitement of the move is uncontrollable. You are never nervous about picking up and leaving.
Me?

I would shake, tremble, quiver at the fear of trying something new. The fear of the unknown paralyzes your inner most thoughts and restricts me from ever being able to have spontaneity. Fear is the most paralyzing emotion you will experience.

The impulsive and unconstrained behavior a Gypsy possess is so enchanting. So tempting to release my inhibitions and learn to dance, flow, move like a tantalizing gypsy.

Loosing my marbles

I haven’t blogged in a few days. Life has been so hectic. I have been making some pretty HUGE decisions that will impact my family greatly. One of the hardest personal struggles I fought myself over this week has landed me in a very uncomfortable position with my family. I made a decision to address a family issue that I never imagined would surface. When I made it “family public” I felt like I was supposed to wear a big red “B” on my shirt. (B. for Bonkers) It never matters what the issue - im basically made into a liar. The worst part is - nothing I have ever addressed has ever been a lie.  I want this issue to be history and I want it to never happen again. Seems like no matter how much I try to help - I get scorned and I am made to feel guilty. Life is so mean, and so are so many people.

I guess this is what keeps me going:

When you’re down to nothing, the faithful see the invisible, believe the incredible, and then receive the impossible.


I feel like I am a total outcast with some of my family, because I brought the most significant issue to light. I don’t think that this was the first nor will it be the last. Every single time I  bring things into the light I get taunted, teased, and told that I do it out of hate. I feel like its all a big ol’ joke to the people who are directly involved. If I didn’t care about the individual(s) involved I would never go as far as to “give a flying flip.” For the record, even if you aren’t my family and I know that you are doing something potentially harmful to your character & future I’m not going to stand by the wayside and watch you go down in flames. I cant do it.
As you can imagine, I feel like I am down to nothing. I feel like some of my family has turned on me. Really unfair because I’m not the main character nor did I ever want issues like this to have HAD to be addressed.
I know that God is Faithful. At the end of the day I know what I did was right. I hope other people realize that they did the right thing too - no matter how guilty they feel and no matter how many people are mad at them. It takes a lot of guts to stand up for someone and do the right thing to help them.

When involved parties take responsibility for their actions, look in the mirror and realize they are the only person(s) at fault… they may just realize that none of this would have happened if they were strong willed enough to stand up for themselves to others to begin with.

I don’t know how much longer it will take for people to realize that I am not a bad, mean, hateful person with cruel intentions. I have been blamed for being jealous, malicious, and horrible. If I was any of those things, I would have encouraged the misbehavior of others so that it would have been a detriment to the character of the parties involved. Instead, I want to stop it dead in its tracks and eliminate it from ever being a possibility again.

IF I DIDN’T CARE: I WOULD LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE! Believe me.

 ........this too shall pass.